At the beginning of this year I stopped taking the psychotropic medications that I was on for the past nine years.
It took about three months for me to taper off the meds and then finally stop, totally.
I didn't feel much difference after that but later on I began to feel really bad.
I started to isolate myself because being in contact with other people made me panic inside.
In my head and in my heart was such a deep emptiness.
I felt like having the ground pulled from under my feet. I didn't know anymore who I really was and rejection of myself took hold of me.
When I entered the Wiedenhof last June it was unavoidable that I got confronted with people again and
I had to communicate daily with others. I was hardly able to say a sentence without putting myself down in my mind after. In my view everything that I said was stupid, unnecessary and without sense.
It was then, after 5 weeks of being here, that I got that phrase in my mind during a worship time in one of our services, which says, "There is no condemnation in the name of Jesus!" I knew this was the truth! Again and again I declared those words over myself. I suddenly realized one day that the thoughts of condemnation, which would not also stop during worship times but would constantly tell me that everything I am doing is just feigned, could not get a grip on me anymore. Suddenly I was free from all self- condemnation! I could hardly believe it in the beginning. What a redemption! As if that would not be already enough…but God put something on top of it still: when I said something to other people in the following days my mind just kept silent; no longer the voice of accusation. Wow I was so overwhelmed! What a freedom it is!
Free from self-rejection
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