I grew up in a Christian home and with that I also joined my parents going to their church on a regular basis. However, even as a small boy I found all of it really boring. I decided to become anything else than a believer! At 12 years old I put my decision into action and started to take drugs. This chapter of my life reached 11 years until I came to a point where I realized I cannot go on that way anymore.
After many attempts to quit, God came into the picture! What I never wanted became my rescue! On 2 occasions, He set me free from drugs from one moment to the other without having any kind of withdrawal symptom at all. Overwhelmed with gratefulness, I gave my life to Jesus at the age of 23 and started my rehab time at the Wiedenhof.
As I sought after God I realized that I myself was like the people I judged badly before. I found myself to be legalistic; my life began to be exhausting and it took a lot of strength from me. The joy and peace I had in the beginning gradually disappeared and eventually gave way to condemnation. Being in this condition led me into complete brokeness, but through that I was finally ready for God and the Holy Spirit. A renewal process started! The Holy Spirit became my faithful companion.
Since I was bound by religiosity and/or legalism, I felt like stopping all the praying, proclaiming, worshipping, etc. and decided to not do anything anymore out of my own strength and effort except to talk to the Holy Spirit here and there and tell Him my fears and anxieties. That was really difficult for me and cost me everything. Again and again feelings of accusation and condemnation came up and everything in me cried out that I needed to do something! But then God started to move in my heart. He opened my eyes to the bondages that held me and broke the chains more and more.
Every day I am learning to trust Him more. Every day I can see more and more of His grace. The Holy Spirit is talking to me and I realize how I am becoming free: There is Stillness! There is Peace! There is Joy! I am not yet through but God started His good work; He will also bring it to completion. It is really cool to be able to trust God and to live with His Holy Spirit. It is Freedom!
Martin
Freedom
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